I am reading a book called "Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn" by Kris Radish. A really wonderful, poetic chic-read abut a woman who is launched into a new phase of her life when she catches her husband in bed with another woman. She travels to Mexico, she travels into her past and she travels into her own soul to discover why she has never embraced her real dreams. It's all about female friendships and turning away from fear. Yummy.
Well, K and I have had yet another come-to-Jesus conversation about how we live our lives. Three weeks ago, he worked 82 hours in seven days, but we stay locked to this ridiculous scenario.
I say "we", but to be fair and not falsely make myself sound like a cross between June Cleaver and Mother Teresa, I very much feel like its his choice that I am locked into. Our agreement was and is, he brings home the bacon and I cook it. But then maybe I am just abdicating my part in this insanity, just like he does. Aren't we both saying, "I don't have a choice."
His solution, which I resent, is that I go "back to work". Work being loosely defined by being slightly miserable when you leave the house and having insurance. But he is right that my writing won't save us, unless I finish my novel and appear on Oprah before her last show OR really get my butt in gear to find a way to break into more profitable freelance markets.
So at the end of another circular conversation, I realize that in order for me to GO BACK TO WORK, he will have to agree to GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I feel we might be on the edge of a breakthrough. I need a higher cause to work for and he needs to re-dream some lost dreams. So I have been re-imagining myself WORKING. (I know I am being dramatic, but emphasizing with capital letters has cracked me up ever since I read this network marketing book about a sure fire way to get rich quick. At least 40% of the book was writen in capitals letters and it makes me laugh to this day, which I need during this discussion...)
Could I sneak my way into a media job? What about being a college professor? What could I do that would allow me to engage in public speaking? It appears that with the right mindset, I am re-dreaming some dreams as well. But whatever happens, one thing is for certain--thangs gonna change 'roun heeyah.
Thirty-five years old and still no idea where my life will lead...honestly? Thank God.
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