Work on my Destiny or do the dishes?

I am notorious for having too many balls in the air, too many irons in the fire. When I was working from home as a freelance writer, it was my blessing and my downfall. One moment I am working on my book, then taking on a project for a friend, then focusing on charity work, then working on my deadlines, followed by consulting for small companies and querying new magazines for bylines. While it was all exciting, it didn't create momentum to build on in any one given area--and of course I didn't know I was on a path that would lead me back to the corporate world.
With hindsight being what it is, I know that the variety of experience I gained is now invaluable to me, but what can I learn from that now?
Because I can feel it happening again. I am clear about my role at work being to grow our company, but what is the best way to do that and to grow my personal brand and reputation to facilitate that goal?
Blogging, tweeting, Youtubing, prospecting, networking, strategizing, planning, PRing--each one a lofty, fruitful and FULL TIME pursuit if done well. (In addition to the 9-5 business management.)
Funny how I can so easily see and develop the path for my clients and friends, yet for myself, I am standing in their shoes looking at a jumble of "want-to's" and "need-to's" all lumped into one messy, mental pile.
I believe from a spiritual perspective (that leads into the secular) that desire determines destiny. I know it, I can feel it, I desire it. So how do I focus that desire into manageable action? Thus far, "destiny" has certainly been an S-shaped road--and yet I keep searching for the straight and narrow.
What is a gal to do? For now, keep taking single steps forward, whichever direction they may be in.

Getting what's...

I have been arguing with the word "deserve" lately.
How do you know what you deserve? How do you give people what they deserve?
Love, money, fame, recognition, payback, hope, kindness, justice.

Let it All Hang Out

One thing I have noticed while working with new clients, big and small, is their fear of being special. Inside our heads, we all know we are special, want to be seen as special, yeearrrnnn to be applauded for our outstanding specialness and then...we sit in silence looking for permission to let it out instead of acting in an authentic way. But you can't launch an effective branding campaign if you don't know what image to capitalize on.

Listen peeps, no one is going to give you permission to be special on the outside because they are all also busy wondering about their own authenticity. This becomes even more true when you run a business.

Do not be scared to push unique aspects of your business to the forefront. While it seems you may be cutting off a part of your target market by differentiating, in the end you aren't BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BE ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE. Do what you do well and don't worry about the rest. People are attracted to exceptional-ism, even if that particular service does not apply to them.

Find your niche and keep it simple and stop being scared of bring your insides out. The heart beat of you business-whether it is quirky or innovative or aggressive or sexy or Christian or shocking-will be the pulse that builds loyalty and keeps people talking about you.

Welcome Back, Optimism!

So after 6 months at IKON that created many ups at home, but stole my Mojo, I just began my new role as Account Executive for an advertising agency called The Fowler Group. I am beyond ecstatic. I am finally in an industry that I am thrilled to be a part of. TFG seems like such a good fit after just a week, I am terribly scared that someone will pinch me and I will wake up.

After feeling like a failure at IKON, which I now know was just part of their brilliant corporate culture, I still have a bit of a confidence hang-over, but I believe I can overcome it. I WANT to be successful here for me and for them. I am excited at what I will learn, I am excited at what I might be able to accomplish for them, I am excited to be in a creative environment that believes in teamwork. I have already started making cold calls and I am reading a lot and staying enthused. I am just jumping in, trying to get my words and trying to take with me at least one lesson of IKON--go ahead and fail, but learn from it.

One thing I have got to learn to get over is being so regimented or institutionalized when I approach prospecting. Anytime friends or writing clients needed ideas, they were coming out my ears, but when I look at prospects I seem to divorce my creativity and approach it like an intimidating hurdle instead of an opportunity to share excitement and ideas. Tonight Kyle was just throwing out a ton of companies and creative ways to help them and it really got me going. I just have to figure my way to blend cold introductions to clients with the excitement I feel for actually helping them and getting a project underway. I'll get there.

I am ready to step out of my potential and into a successful reality.

Stumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen..

So tomorrow is the big day. I return to corporate America. I am calm about it and that fits since I have had a lot of peace about this decision and tomorrow is finally the first official step on the next twist in my life path. (Hello run-on sentence and waxing poetic!)

Anyways, today was funny in how uninteresting it was. We stayed up late yesterday for the 4th, but come around 5 am I was losing sleep over one seriously aggravating deadline that I didn't want to take in the first place. So I got up, finished writing and editing and then went back to sleep. This was the first time I have slept till noon in yyeeeeaaaarrrrrss--bonus points for me for taking advantage of that little perk FINALLY.

I paid bills and then randomly decided to start organizing the kids' game cabinet. But of course what seemed random at the time is now, in retrospect, not at all. Because for the past two weeks I have been cleaning and organizing and fluffing, nesting, tweaking a million little things around the house in a semi-conscious attempt to dot my i's and cross my t's before Kyle takes over my domain. I even cleaned out my car for him, which I never do even for me.

Kyle watched a movie when he got up, but after a while I realized I had lost track of him. What do you know, he was cleaning his car out for me. (We have to trade cars, because of course my Yukon was never really mine, it was the kids'. Whoever has the kids has the mac car.)

I had one small, hitched breath earlier when I did dare to say to myself that this was my last day as a stay at home mom--almost exactly seven years later. (They say the number eight represents change...things that make you go hmmmmm.) But the moment passed as quickly as it came because I am curious and excited (believe it or not) to see how this will play out.

This is the first time I can remember taking my hands off the wheel and driving on faith. I know that I want to be a writer, but am willingly walking away from that dream for the moment. I know that I put my family first, but am stepping back from my primary caregiver role in order to do that. I relish tapping my creative side for solace, but am donning a suit and briefcase to find peace. Any more contradictions and someone may have to remind me what my name is.

(Apparently this is called phase one according to a very interesting artist, gallery owner, life-coach-in-training I met the other day while shopping. But that's a-whole-nother story.)

And of course I have my question marks about the smallest aspects of daily life. Tomorrow when I wake up, do I unload the dishwasher as I always have as part of my morning routine, or do I stick it to the man? (HAhahaha!) Is the man actually going to remember to make dinner? (Does he know how?) Should I be sweet and make a list--ie don't forget to make the boys eat something that is not covered in cheese dust, don't let them play with firearms, feed the dog, please make the boys wash their hands at least once while I am gone and leave the washer door open so the mold smell doesn't return...

Don't even get me started on whether or not he knows who our pediatrician is, what the toilet bowl cleaner is for, when to take out the recycling, where the bandaids are, why Aussie should not be allowed to listen to "Crazy Train" after drinking Dr. Pepper or how to pay bills online.

But we shall cross each of those bridges as they come up and for entertainment I think I will track the number of calls and texts I get from him every day. Unless of course, he brilliantly transitions into my former job and forces me to go postal.

[Sigh. Nervous swallow.]

Working 9 to 5

Did He Really Just Wash My Underwear?!

Ahh, the joys of a restless night waking up thinking about our impending reduction of income. It is scary. So what do you think we did last night to prepare for it? Went out to dinner of course. Why is it so hard to make changes before you actually have to?! I guess we'll start today--ha!

But on the good and very interesting side of things, the shift in our roles began yesterday. Let me say that Kyle' s role with the boys has always been a very hands-on, front and center one when he is not working and that I have seen that side taken to the next level ever since I started job hunting. Afterall, as any mom can attest, it is no small thing to know that your children's behavoir is a reflection of you and your parenting style--especially if you stay at home with them. And I think that has really sunk in with dear old dad.

BUT onto the shocking part of the shift, yesterday the house was cleaned AND it wasn't by me AND I didn't have to pay for it. I was finishing up two of final deadlines in my freelance life and having a butt-in-the-chair day when I heard familiar but startling sounds, such as the floor being swept, the laundry being started and the general complaining of three 50-pounders having to put their clothes and toys and flotsam away. I just sat in my office as silently as I possibly could, not wanting to spook my husband for fear that whatever had come over him would suddenly slip away. It was not unlike trying to stay perfectly still when you spot wildlife up close.

For richer for poorer, for cleaner or messier, for nervous about the future but happier.

The Wind Beneath My Wings

So I had a bit of a roller coaster day yesterday. I met with my new manager about the salary/commission offer and the base salary was lower than I was hoping. Now, the commission structure is impressive and once I get rolling, it should be good. But the transition is gonna be awkward. I guess it's just human to want things to be easy, so the news took the wind out of my sails for a few hours. I broke the offer to Kyle and just tried to get off the phone until my sis could call, because I needed a pep talk instead of giving a pep talk. I know he is ready to quit, but yesterday was about me. (K is wonderful but he has yet to learn the finer points concerning my need for feminine optimism.)

Wonderful woman that Nikki is, by the time I finished talking to her, I had several takeaways:

1. It's just reality and nothing that a thoughtful plan and a little patience won't handle.

2. This might work out perfectly, forcing us into the simple and streamlined lifestyle we keep talking about (while dodging).

3. It's better to have a small start with big potential rather than a static income that is 'as good as it gets' on day one as on day infinity.

There were probably more, but they all ran along the same lines of "Everything will be alright."

Later I was able to hash those take aways with my dear friend Dawn and now I totally believe everything we came up with. Funny, life is always what you make of it.

Cue music: Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends.

Thank God for friends, because whether the wind beneath my wings they were providing was a breath of fresh air or a blast of hot air, I needed it and it worked.

I Got A J.O.B. (Just Offer the Bucks!)

Well, my little, scattered saga is set to take another life turn. Get ready for stories from a working mom, because I have been offered a job with Ikon Office Solutions selling to major accounts. (Best interviews of my life, those were. Good thing there is no hidden camera in my car to publicize my interview practice on the way there during a traffic jam.) I am excited, scared, ready, hesitant and jumbled. It's going to be great because we need this.

From the start, this decision has felt very much like a God current, moving us in an unknown, yet not unwelcome, direction; and it seems that the Big Man Above gave us another nod to that fact this past week. Kyle, love of my life, was finally offered the full-time position he has been waiting for over the past 18 months, less than a week after my job offer. He told them to shove it. YES! It's funny how once you get a taste of a life centered around family and friends how little everything else means.

So my man will be taking care of my boys and I know that those apron strings will not be easy for me to loosen. (This will probably translate to high entertainment for you. Just like when I had sent my fourth reminder text to him last weekend as I left for a wedding in Georgia only to receive the reply, "Yeah babe, I've got it.")

In the coming months we will be budget-changing and role-swapping while Kyle re-enters the realm of higher education and I once again get scrappy in highly competitive sales. (And honeys, let me tell you, I am nothing if not competitive.)

Please stay tuned and if you feel the urge, I would love to hear your comments and share in your thoughts as well.

Final note, shout out to my rock star, young ball boys for outstanding play on the tournament diamond this past weekend. Cole's team won the whole shabang, while Aussie and BB made it to the semi's. I am so proud and I need no other reminder why re-entering the work-a-day world should prove to be the change we desperately need.