Role Reversal

So it turns out that Kyle is a better house keeper than I--and it is glorious! It is absolutely amazing to walk in to a clean home and I didn't do it. Lovin' it, lovin' it, lovin' it. And the truth was that I wasn't any kind of house keeper. I was a writer. And a mother. And a wife. And I take to those things with a focus that is sometimes good and sometimes bad. When I am being one, I am usually not being the others (with the exception that mother sneaks in and demands its due attention whenever it wants.) People could come over unannounced and I wouldn't be embarrassed (much), but let's just say my source of pride did not come from clean baseboards.

But the blessings of going back to work have surpassed that of an effortlessly, clean home. Everyone should be so lucky to have the opportunity to walk in each other's shoes. We keep having these moments when we just look at each other, realizing I am repeating his lines and he is reciting mine and we go, "Ohhhhhhh, that's what you always meant." And we just laugh. He now understands why I would follow him around like a puppy dog when he got home (because I hadn't talked to an adult all day). I now know that when he said he didn't care if we went out to dinner or not on a Friday night, he really didn't care--he was just happy to be off work. He got irritated the other day when I didn't put the cinnamon back in the cabinet. (He rightly chose to keep that to himself at the time.)

One of my favorite moments came when he was mentioning how he wasn't able to complete one of the tasks he had on his to-do list, and, with a straight face, I just tilted my head and furrowed my brow saying, "Well, you have all day tomorrow to do it." Then I smiled, cuz I couldn't help it. He just shook his head, knowing how many times he had said that to me, unaware of what a day at home is really like. "Yeah. OK," he said and laughed despite himself and just went back to watching the Rangers.

I am sure this honeymoon phase won't last forever, but I am trying to enjoy while it does. It seems also that we are both better equipped to be sensitive to the other's daily plight since we have been there, done that. Not a bad way to function.

Who Flipped my World Upside Down?

So many up and down feeling about going back to work. I am honestly staying on top of them by focusing on this as an adventure and giving us a pat on the back for undertaking said adventure. I mean really, I didn't think I really understood the hugeness of completely switching roles with the man, not having my time, my writing, my kids all to myself all the time, not knowing what our financial future holds--all of it.

And Kyle is facing his own interesting emotions. He loves staying at home (who wouldn't?), but just doesn't want anyone to know about it. He hasn't yet come to terms with the phrase "stay at home dad". Giving up the burden of being the sole provider is taking some getting used to. I can only imagine how nerve-wreckingly slippery that must be for him. And going back to school is daunting. He gripes that I can't understand what it feels like to go back since I am a bookworm, nerd and writer. Fair enough, but I did already take my plunge into the unknown and intimidating, and I am dutifully swimming in it Monday through Friday. So I think i get the emotion behind it. He wants to know why I "have to tell everybody about our business". But it's not like I have taken out a billboard on 35E saying "Kyle is going back to school!" (Although, writing about it on a public blog might be close...) It's just that when people find out that I went back to work, their immediate next questions are who's taking care of the boys(especially since it is summertime) and what's Kyle doing? Who wouldn't ask that? And I think saying things, especially scary things, outloud keeps you accountable to following through on them.

But here's the real deal on this whole role-reversal: it's like a once in a lifetime chance to start over without having to give up what matters the most. It's asking yourself, What do I want to be when I grow up? and really getting to do it...At age 35!

So cool and of course it's uncomfortable. There can be no growth inside your comfort zone.

On my side, it has been interesting how easy it was to slip the business suit back on. Now, of course, I still feel like I have no clue what I am doing and that any minute they will discover that I am actually a fraud with a great way with words during an interview. Yikes! But, the physical walking out the door, doing what it takes, staying engaged in the present activity so I don't get overwhelmed, it just happened. And how quickly that nagging need to be good at my job (and make a lot of money) came back on me. I KNEW in college that I was meant to be a vice president or CEO of something. Five years later, I KNEW that I wasn't willing to sacrifice quality of life with family and friends for the climbing that would take. (And of course the twins helped to secure that notion since I was outnumbered the second they were born.) So maybe there has been a tiny bit of leftover corporativa inside all this time.

Well, who knew? I wish I would have enjoyed staying at home more instead of always chasing deadlines and stressing about money this past year. But, I guess I really know deep down, I'm not really a soap opera and bonbon kind of gal. (Although I should have at least tried it!)

It's also so hard right now being at peace with the idea that Kyle is here for the boys and not me. I know that's good and I know it's what God intends for us right now, but it's hard. When Kyle showed me pics of the boys on their camping trip with their big smiles in front of a backdrop that I had never seen, it hit me hard. I missed it. I missed those moment with them. And they are doing ok without me since daddy is there.

It's exhausting waking up at 5:30 every morning and worrying about getting to bed at a decent hour every night, but I'm sure that will pass. Kyle has made it as smooth and sweet as possible for me and I am amazed at what we are learning through this. (That is a whole other blog on it's own! Everyone should be so damn blessed to LITERALLY walk in each other's shoes. The world as we knew it has shifted so much it's giving us vertigo.) Who knew he could cook?

Anyhoo, the clock is glaring at me so I gotta run. I am late for traffic.

When did I get so short?!

Seriously. I just took a look at the photo of me below on my first day back to work. Can someone please tell when that happened. I look sawed off. You know, like cankles (where your calves go straight into ankles with no tapering) except my ribs go straight into my hips. What would that be? Rips? No, the irony is too much. How 'bout boobs straight into hips--bips?

A Bear, Silver Heels and an Uncovered Affinity for Being a Homebody

So due to a lack of time right now, I will give the briefest update and try to fill in the blanks later.

Within two days in New Mexico, the boys' had a run in with a bear and Kyle had to turn back from a much anticipate hike in order to avoid offering a mountain lion a Coffey-boy buffet.

I have enjoyed two weeks worth of meals that I have not cooked.

I know more about copiers (oh excuse me, mmm-hhmmm, multi-function printers) than I ever thought I would.

Having a 'wife' is as wonderful as I suspected.

I now owe Nordie's one of my arms, but only half a leg since I am returning some heels this week.

And I have a new appreciation for my house, my couch and cold beer(who knew I could love those three things even more!)

Call me Damnit!

I am in Houston for training and hopefully I will get out and pass on a little info about this Texas metropolis. (This is the first time I have been here except to curse at their traffic while passing through.)

The boys are in New Mexico on a camping/hiking adventure.

They left at 3:30 am on Sunday morn--yes, Kyle is nuts. So that means they have been gone for almost 42 hours and except for a few nonsense texts from Kyle on their way down there, I haven't heard from them aaannnnddd his phone is off. Let me tell you, there is gonna be hell to pay if he doesn't get his ass to a phone so I can hear my babies' voices---soon. I do not care if they are "roughing it". You can get off the mountain to let me know you are alive!

Men...

Word of the Day

Unfuckupable.

First Day Jitters

So I decided this morning to go ahead and do the dishes. But when I opened the door, I had to stop because the dishes weren't familiar. When I leaned in closer sure enough I realized the dishes were dirty.

Huh?

Because Kyle had already gotten up, started coffee and emptied the clean dishes and reloaded the leftover dirties.

uh-oh.

So when I came home, the house is clean, the laundry is clean (almost ALL OF IT), the aroma of chicken and sweet potatoes is wafting through the house from the crock pot and I hear a whole lot of quiet.

Say wha..?

So I walk into the playroom and all four of my boys are sitting on the couch reading.

I smile.

I raise my eyebrows..

And Austin starts to giggle...

I give my compliments and finally my little sunshine says, "Mom, we're pretending! We weren't really reading and being quiet!"

Man, I love that kid.

Well, if Kyle's going to be better than me at this staying home thing, then I might as well just bask in the shine of a squeaky clean sink.

Very cool that he is taking this seriously :0) Better eating humble pie than cooking a meal after a long work day.

So my first day of work was good. I have my own cubicle. (My first ever! I've never had to report into an office. It's always been completely in the field with a laptop and cell phone.) I think it will be a good combination to have an office to report to occasionally while still being in the field. Everyone was nice and the training is going to be like "drinking from a fire hose" I'm told. Well, I was hungry for change, so that will just give me something cold to wash it all down with. I have a good feeling about this manager and there were quite a few people that had remarkable tenure--seems like a good sign. I am looking forward to getting into the field and riding a little of my ignorance and excitement (and maybe take a baby step closer to some cha-ching.)

So at risk of major TMI, I am going to go ahead and tell you about one worry. I have worked from home for a long time. That means I eat when I want, exercise when I want and, well, go to the bathroom when I want. I am never stuck in traffic, or in a meeting, or calling on a client when...when...when nature calls. I really have a distinct amount of apprehension and concern about this! In a funny twist, I made my way to the ladies room (because of the two diet cokes I had, that's all people!) and the toilets have the auto flush feature. Well this stall was the poltergeist version of auto flush, because it went off about TEN TIMES. I just wanted to yell, "These are not courtesy flushes! Please believe me. The first day nerves have me backed up, I swear!"

See, it's never too late to add more embarrassing moments to the list.